Friday, August 6, 2010

Dear Shopping Savage...

Dear Shopping Savage,

I have a huge problem: my penis. It has always gotten in the way of what pants I can wear (skinny jeans? forget it!). Do you know of any good underwear that could support my...package or maybe pants that would make "my predicament" a little less noticeable?


Penis Envy


Dear P.E.,

Flat front pants are out. Your gift of girth has left you with only one option: pleated pants. Typically, you would envision an elderly man in pleated pants, but in this instance P.E., you can learn from our geriatric doppelgangers. Besides, not only elderly men wear pleated pants these days.

Because of their leg build, many athletes opt for the roomier waist-band, seat and thigh-area produced by the pleats. Larger men, in general, look better in pleated pants over flat fronts. (The same could be said conversely for a man with a slim frame. Pleated pants inadvertently give off a parachute pant affect on them that make me nostalgic for MC Hammer's "Can't Touch This".)

There aren't many articles written in support of wearing pleated pants, so you're just going to have to trust me on this one. Either opt for the uncool look or be the guy who's always carrying his briefcase to shield your non-pleated predicament.

Need sartorial advice? Email me:

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