Dear Shopping Savage...

Dear Shopping Savage,

I just came back from my first ever dog birthday party - true story. Everyone else seemed to get the memo to bring dog clothing as a gift, whereas I brought chew toys and dog treats; silly me, right? What's your take on dog clothes? Should I have gotten the birthday dog in question something to wear instead of something he'd enjoy?

Signed,

Doggy Clothing Curious

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Dear D.C.C.,

My personal opinion on dog clothing has varied over the years. On the one hand, you have an owner, excuse me, "pet companion", who loves their four-legged friend so much that they begin to regard them as "part of the family" or even as their "child" - and you wouldn't let your child run around naked would you? On the other (saner, heavier) hand, to see an animal in a tutu can be hilarious and absurd all-at-once. What really burns me up is seeing a pooch in clothing when it's already hot outside. Brings new meaning to the expression, "dog in heat".

Unfortunately, we may be on the loosing end of this debate D.C.C., but I can almost assure you that if you put a chew toy or treat in front of a dog next to a pile of clothing he's going to go for the treat. My suggestion is the next time you're invited to a dog's birthday bash to stick to your guns, break with the new canine convention, and give that dog what he really wants: a snack and a good scratch behind the ears. Call it non-progressive if you wish, but if I were a dog I'd appreciate your gift that much more than clothing, paws down. Just because dressing your dog has become de rigueur doesn't mean you have to conform to societies new barking orders.

Need sartorial advice? Email me: ShoppingSavage@gmail.com

Dear Shopping Savage...

Dear Shopping Savage,

My girlfriend and I have been dating for two years now and her birthday is in a few weeks. I was thinking of spicing things up a bit and getting her some really nice lingerie as part of her gift. Do you think this is a bad idea? If so, why? If not, where's a good place for tasteful stuff like that?

Signed,

Birthday Boudoir Boyfriend

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B.B.B.,

I'm so glad you came to me for advice on this touchy subject matter! So many guys think they're doing their girlfriend a favor by picking out some "sexy lingerie" - that she probably wouldn't be caught dead in - let alone a leaked tape of some sort. But fear not, for I am here to help you sift through this sexy sartorial conundrum! Lets start at the top and work our way down, shall we? First, you're going to need to rifle through your girl's intimates drawer - if you haven't already - to determine her bra and pantie sizes. Besides looking at just the pattern in sizing, also pay attention to the colors, brands and even the more common styles. This homework will clue you in to what colors she typically chooses for herself, where she likes to purchase her intimate apparel and what styles she trusts the most to support her best T & A-ssets.

Next, you'll want to seek the assistance of either one of her close girlfriends or even a female close to you - I would ask your sister or a friend before calling mom on this one. Have them go with you to a few shops to get their opinion - and to pawn off the pastel-clad bag once the purchase has been made. You could also take to the web and place the order online - but be sure to pay a little extra for the gift wrapping.

And as you mentioned - I wouldn't make this her only birthday gift. No man should rest the fate of his relationship in the cup and crotch of a gift that could be received in a range of emotions from tickled pink to road-rage red. You could throw a few "adult accessories" in the bag to go with the lingerie to add to the evening's excitement - massage oils, blindfolds and handcuffs, oh my! - but a nice piece of jewelry or even a get-away vacation would be a great addition to your peek-a-boo present.

Below are a few links to help you jump start your search. The prices - and quality - range from borderline trashy to triple-figures so its a financial free-for-all when it comes to what you choose. If you follow my advice I can almost guarantee that your girlfriend won't be the only one getting her candles blown by the end of the night.

Lingerie Links:

Frederick's of Hollywood

Victoria's Secret

La Perla

La Petite Coquette

Need sartorial advice? Email me: ShoppingSavage@gmail.com